As the HPverse Turns
by Morbid Fascination
Summary: A convoluted version of the ancestry of Harry Potter
1. The Potter Family Tree

**Too much chocolate + too much badfic = this. **

This is our attempt to show up every piece of bad fanfiction we have ever read. 

As the HPverse Turns 

Chapter One: The Potter Family Tree 

The founder of the Potter clan was Lord Voldemort himself. His name used to be Tom Riddle, but that made him think too much. Since he was a Slytherin and not a Ravenclaw, he considered this bad. As he had a certain fondness for pottery, he decided to change his name to Potter. 

When Tom grew up, he met and married Morgan le Fay. Why? Because she was there. Thus, he became related to every Pureblood family in existence. They had two children, twin boys named James and Severus. They decided that two children were too much work, so they kept the firstborn and sent Severus away. 

When James grew up, he was sent to Hogwarts. There he met a girl by the name of Lily Evans. Lily was the daughter of the Squib lovechild of Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. James and Lily got married. 

A few years later, Lily had a child. But, the father was not her husband. Young Harry was in fact the son of Severus, James's long lost and unknown twin brother. Because of the relationship, the child looked enough like his supposed father that no one ever commented. Thus James died without ever learning the truth. 

And that was how Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, came into being. 

**TBC**


	2. The Shippyness of Doom

**Ok fangirls, this is for you…**

**Parody: A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule.**

**And for you sane people out there (mostly those from GAFF), thanks for all the lovely, INTELLIGENT reviews.**

**Now…on to the fic.**

As the HPverse Turns 

Chapter Two: The Shippyness of Doom (Or ShippIness of Doom, as Yubs wants to spell it.  Too bad for her that Cleric is doing the typing)

Severus Snape, the Slut of Hogwarts, was walking through the Dungeons.  Suddenly he saw Whoremione, the only other person in the school to even come close to rivalling his promiscuity.  So, of course, they jumped in the closest classroom and made wild, passionate love.

After they were done, Snape walked back out into the Dungeons, and immediately ran into Harry and Ron.  He couldn't decide between them, so he just grabbed them both, went back into the classroom, kicked Whoremione out, and had lots and lots of sex.

When he was done with them, he was still not satisfied, being the stud muffin that he was, and immediately went to the Slytherin common room.   There were Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and all the other Slytherins who don't really get named in the books, but who we know are there.  It was orgy time.

But the Slut of Hogwarts was still not satisfied.  Not until he had slept with Sirius, James and Lily (despite them being dead), Lupin, Filch, McGonagall, Padma Patil, all the other Weasleys, Hagrid, Wormtail, Neville, Crouch Jr. and Sr., Mad-Eye Moody, Umbridge, Voldie, Lucius, Quirrel, Lockhart, Vernon, and………DUMBLEDORE.

Well, while Snape was off screwing anything he could find, Whoremione was sleeping with everyone else, with a few crossovers with people such as Harry, Ron, Draco, the Weasleys, Sirius and Lupin.  She also somehow managed to sleep with Legolas, despite him being from a completely different fandom that is completely incompatible with her own.

Now, Snape and Whoremione were not the only people getting some action.  Lupin was snogging with Sirius.  Sirius was with Harry.  Harry was with Draco.  Draco was Ginny.  Ginny was with basically all the male students, and some of the females.  Fred and George were with each other.

Basically the only person not getting any was Mary-Sue.  Everyone avoided her, because you don't know where she's been, or what diseases she had picked up.

**TBC…be afraid, be very afraid.**

**(this is especially disturbing because between the two of us, we have honestly seen EVERY SINGLE PAIRING listed in this story.  *shudder shudder*)**


End file.
